mr k,
making up with you
is
the hardest
yet the best
decision 
i've ever made

realization

i dont really intend
to go against my faith 
or anything

i'm not a pro

i just love the artsy side 
of it

stories
manga
anime
drawing
films
imagination

and that's all
i'm just a lover
not a supporter

very sincerely written
and very consciously thought

i've always envied the scenes in the movies

 the characters always seems to be able to find a place they can call their own

some sort of a secret place

where they can lie all day

where they can scream as they like

where thay can do whatever they want

though i'm never really

always surrounded by people

such place

is a blessings

from the sneer

from the giggles

from the insults

because in their eyes

i'm no more

than just a retard

the weird ones

ones you must avoid

and leave unintended

 things i feel

not to be argued

because 

in a way

they're all right

as in glee

i'd like a bright white t-shirt

with its front

my deepest secret 

written

for the whole world to see

but

like chris colfer

my secret

is not really a secret

some knows

some not

but i don't really scream it at the rooftop
so

i guess it's a secret after all

still, you wouldn't know

this secret

bring me to the best of both worlds

and

present me hell and heaven

because

it contradicts what i supposed to believe

it breaks my heart to know i'm wrong

while

leaving me all smiles and lovey-dovey

satisfy my need for something different,

only this side of the world

is oh so boring

causing me to feel free

making me feel like a better person

but

leaving me helpless of the temptation

i'd live in the other side of the world if i could

but i can't

and i'm trapped here

a place without

liberty

with a mask on my face

with only

two words

on my bright white t-shirt

cute notebooks

whenever i go to

bookstores

gift shops

and the likes

i have this urge to buy

something like

,

,

 
or

but i refrain! 

unwillingly (pooh~)

coz i know what will happen next

"awww..... you're too cute

for me to doodle things on"

which will lead to

"i'll just keep you here"

*put it somewhere in the closet*

and after several month, tops

"oh, this..."

*put it into schoolbag with

intention to use*

aaaanndd finally

*the notebook will turn to something

so hideous

i'm forced to throw it away*

because my schoolbag has

enough things in it, thank you

but they're so cute!
i practically have to bite my lips
to not just grab them away to the devil counter
XO

 

during & by the end of the holiday, here are my hopes

-shed SOME kilograms (ganbatte ne~ Xo)

-make up the overspent rm's (VERY important)

-play guitar better (HIGH hope!)


-buy a tuner (optional hihi)


-buy tonnes of make ups (optional haha)


-find myself (obligated)


-talk with more people to get rid of my nervousness wtf (omg must must must!)


-err.... maybe that's all kthnxbai

my cheesecake is melting

and so is my heart

it struck me so much

when i realize

i'll have to be with you 

in my future

will i be able to?

am i up to that?

is it too late to back down?

is it too late to say goodbye?

it pains me so

because always

i need you so

 

this isn't the first time

every word that stung

every yelling that bite

every scolding that scald

it all force me to

reconsider

if you are the one

i want to be

with 

it was a good friday, though not a real party

still it's a precious memories

between me and 

you two

my first time drumming the tension away

(to! to! to! te! to! to! totototototototototo TE! XD)

my first time trying to climb against the escalator

(.... and failed badly X))

my first time genuinely having fun in a >2 outing

my first time hitting balls onto a screen

(and killed many many annoying cockroaches)

my first time having KFC bucket

(i always had individual set) 

thanks to you two

i now
have a memorable time this time of the year

:)

it's a rant, better not read it, excuse me, i dont have a diary : it's not a good night

not because of the assignment, apparently i managed to get it done, but after reading this manga.... >_>

it's not usual that reading such material can depress me, but 'cappuccino' really did it. it's supposed to bring me the theory of 'hope after the darkness' but now i see darkness all around me :(

and i have another two... burdens inside my head. apparently i made it up myself, due to my nature which likes things 10000000 times more complicated than what they really are <_<


so tonight's not a good night


if i can do it


*IF*

*i'd rather got wasted beneath the shimmering light

*jumping madness around the dancefloor


*cried my heart out before my BFF which due to current circumstance it's something equalified to NADA

*run around the streets like a crazy bitch

if there's no rapist or snatchers or freaks i would've been able to do the last part


*F*CK THEM* for making my life harder to cope

i need a cut

because i love this 

i can't believe it's that time of the year

when the season does come

and the affection ripen

i may offend some

but please, don't

i didn't want to influence people 

or something

and obviously, i'm bad at it

so quit bothering

when you see me

and what i'm doing

if you hate it

don't bother looking

k

thnx

bye

 

I'm Not Even Naturalist, but...

instead of these four walls

instead of the noise of hockey games

instead of the endless world of internet

instead of the techno songs

i'd rather be someplace

where there's birds chirping

where there's river flowing

where there's grass growing

i'm not even a naturalist, but

nature would have done me better

than this cold world of modernisation

taggin' thingy : start 6 sentences with "i'm (age) but i still...."

1. i'm 19 but i still get nightmare from a scary movie i didn't even watch

2. i'm 19 but i still love being cuddled

3. i'm 19 but i still afraid of being scolded

4. i'm 19 but i still like to sulk, all the time, especially with people i love the most

5. i'm 19 but i still ask everything from my parents... tee-hee...

6. i'm 19 but i still think something nasty nestled under my bed

anyone reading this, i'd like to know your says too :) 

  

How True....

how true it can be 

that

it’s better to have nobody

than to have someone who is half here

or doesn’t want to be here at all

unfortunately

a lot of people is that kind

it's just the same with those

who left, merrily

when they found perfect companies

me?

been there

(AM being there NOW)

done that

 

How To Fly

if it's that easy

to just fly away and leave the mess

where it ought to be, ignored

never solved

i would have gone

somewhere secluded


but if i can fly

wouldn't i have the burden

of saving complete strangers?

of fighting bad bad guys?


oh, no

thanks

I.N.V.U

wouldn't it be nice

to be able to snatch your smile

as easily?

the sincerity in your grin

the sweetness of your lips

the happiness you spread

i wish it is THAT easy to me

when life frowned too deep my way

when it seems to be that way

these days

For Someone There

hey there,

i'm not good with words

let alone saying them

but, do you know

when i see you sad

it makes me feel bad

like stabs in the heart, no less


i hope you stay strong

because you are, for holding on this long

you've gone through the art of being replaced

you've gone through the joy of friendship

you've felt what a bitch a girl's heart can be


you're strong

you can get over this

you can walk away and,

you can find happiness

someplace other

somewhere only God knows

:)

In My Opinion...

IT'S JUST PLAIN DUMB.

YOU AIN'T NO PLAYER IN THIS GAME

CALLED LIFE,

WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE

A KEEPER.

BUT WHO AM I TO SAY?

SILENCE, ONLY I MAY.


i cant take care of you anymore

so take care of yourself more

Fly Away....

i'm tired
of being my own
centre of attention

i hate
being conscious of
what i'm doing

i can't wait
to go out of this
and be a wallflower again

like a dandelion's seeds
free to fly away
as far as
as gay as
as long as
i want it to be

bigger world
you, i'm waiting for