どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう?

i had done everything i could

forgetting you

ignoring you

reminding myself over and over again

this is not right

but still in my lonely days

remembering you

your sweet smile

your sharp gaze

your nonchalant words

i couldn't help myself

 my tears are wasted again

my hopes are pouring again

my fears are piling again

and

my love for you bloom again

It's Not Easy

being me


i've been hated

i've been mocked

i've been betrayed


for 1001 reasons

i'm not sensitive enough

i'm too sensitive

i'm too deadpan-faced

i'm too excited with something

i'm too bad

i'm too ugly

or whatever else they say


and what do they expect from me?

change myself in return of

some kind of alliance?

pretend to be someone else MY WHOLE LIFE?

magically turn to a living angel tomorrow?

go and do a plastic surgery?


i'm sorry i can't be perfect

yes, i do give a damn what people say

and what people think of me

but who am i to fulfill everyone's want?

i'm nowhere near that position


and for that

i don't have to change myself

and i just can continue being myself

and i just keep being ignorant

and i just preserve my oversensitive-self



yes

from time to time

i may try to change towards the better me

but not in seconds

but not in days

i need time for that


even in photoshop the 'dodge' button

have to be pressed a number of times before

the stain disappear


and in real life?

it takes longer than that

or else if you use concentrated acid

which will simultaneously destroy the thing

which, is ME

Dear Husband

dear husband,

i'm waiting for you

to save me from here


dear husband,

you said you'll love me forever

hence, why did you left me here?


dear husband,

i am beautiful just the way i was

and i appreciate your letting me wear my wedding dress

during my funeral

after the night you stabbed me in the heart


dear husband,

i'm longing to meet you again

asking you why

asking you how

asking you when

the love we build over years

turned to such contempt

in such a short period

you've known my real

bitchy

fussy

clingy

self


dear husband,

if i know this would be the end

that you would be my bluebeard

i'd never pretend to be someone so perfect

before you

in past

Less Love to Life

i'm growing sick

of stale air

of paved road

of artificial food

of tall skyscrapers

of blazing sunlight

but


i'm not one of those people

shouting over your ears

for greener lifestyle

for consumption of organic food

for using less petroleum

because

i dont feel like

having the world over my shoulders

for just a realization



i'm an ordinary boy

who's sick of this world

and a bored boy

who wish he could just fade away

from this emptiness

My Scarce Self Esteem

how do you heighten your self-esteem?

when all i can feel inside
is fear?
is humiliation?
is cynicism?


how can you be so sure of yourself?

when all i hear now
is whispering?
is snickering?
is mocking?


how can you stand up so straight?

when all i want to do
is running away?
is backing down?
is hiding my face?


why your smile can be so confident?

when i only have the feeling
that i'm wrong?
that i'm stupid?
that i'm nothing?

Dear Master

master, master

do you wanna go out

in this gloomy weather?

i plead you not

just now i see a black cloud

floating above the lawn

as if waiting for you to get out

as if wanting to take you away

i dont wanna lose you

my dear master

but would you listen to me?
a humble creation lower than you?

Choosing

if i choose you

will my life be brighter?

will my tears begone?

will everybody be happy?

will i laugh with joy?




if i choose him

will he stop beating me up?

will my tears be wiped away?

will the pain fly away?

will the depression dry up?

will i be happy?

She .....

she has jet black hair

i wish she has light blond hair

she has two light brown eyes

i wish she has icy blue eyes

she weighes less than 40 kg

i wish she has more baby fat

she has thin lips

i wish she has full lips

she has passion for making ice-cream

i wish she has passion in making money

she is a talkative girl

i wish she is a quiet one

she loves looking straight at people’s eyes

i wish she could be more demure and shy

she has skills in decorating

i wish she has skills in culinary instead

she is the person i love

i wish i love someone else instead

because i hate everything about her

but i love the love she has for me

do i stay?

do i go?

Wondering...

when i look at you

i feel at loss

for not having you

those soft locks

those kissable lips

those warm hands

those mesmerizing eyes

but

i feel happy

with who i have now

coz i dont have to

deal with you

in that special way

i know

it wont be as easy

it wont be as difficult

it wont be as bitter

it wont be as sweet

it wont be the same

as i’m experiencing now

because

i’m contented

with him

just thinking

just wondering

what’ll happen

if i had you

instead

:)

Plz B Sexy 4 Ur Bf ,NOT!!!

it still puzzles me

why some guys

want their girls

to sorta expose

more, more & more skin

i’m, like,

WTF?

do you like

other guys to fantasize about her?

do you want

other guys to stare at what you

touch

see

savour

have

in your bedroom?

do you need

other guys to frequently

have the urge

to flirt with her?

coz if i was you

i’d definitely want her

at least in knee-length frocks

at least in decent tops

at least not look like a slut

i ain’t controlling

i ain’t restricting

i ain’t forcing

if she wont go by my rules

that’s fine with me

i dont lose anything

she dont lose anything

but a bit of my affection

is automatically

turned off, and

i won’t be that deep in shit

if i ever lose her

why?

because

i’m just caring

for someone

who i love dearly

who i wanna grow old with

who’ll be the mother of my children

someday

Gaga...

i love her

and her hair is

sooooo gorgeous

nah, i can dye my hair

like that

only when

i’ve skin that fair

::sigh::

i still love her

XD