dear.

i still cant forget how you yell at me.
last night.

i'm still so shaken.
i feel like crying.


i can't believe i'm this weak.
i can't believe.
i will be afraid of you.
when i'm supposed to.
love you.

my cheesecake is melting

and so is my heart

it struck me so much

when i realize

i'll have to be with you 

in my future

will i be able to?

am i up to that?

is it too late to back down?

is it too late to say goodbye?

it pains me so

because always

i need you so

 

this isn't the first time

every word that stung

every yelling that bite

every scolding that scald

it all force me to

reconsider

if you are the one

i want to be

with 

does she realize his glance means so much more?

it was daily occurence

they see each other everyday

she was naive

he was lost, in life

they look like they come from two different world

sure thing

men come from mars, women from venus

but he and she

depict the length, greater as if

she was afraid of him

the way he gazed, like a glare

he was afraid of her

of hurting the frail glassy heart

when his gaze means so much more

what was him to do

when all she want to do is

walking away from him?

i wish i just have to close my eyes to get you out of my mind

because this heart trembled

when you're around

and my god it hurts

because having you i couldn't

if only my radar was strong enough

i would have known i was the last

on his priority list

i would have known the sweet lilac smell

wasn't from his perfume stall

i would have guessed his being cold

was a sign of rejection

i would have known he had someone else

a man he keep in the closet

i should have known

he was after my best friend after all

i hated the act of cheating

 it's the biggest sin a partner could commit

when the trust is gone, what's left behind?

doubt,

regret,

or

rage?

perhaps all of them.

tribute to 'cappuccino'

though i do altered the storyline

i just took the theme :)

my yesterdays has no regret, though 'twas stupid

though 'twas stupid

but 'twas among my bestest

moments in my life

i was afraid of letting go

wanting to hold on the whole time

but as i sit here

alone, i realized

the sweet tunes you sang to me

are yesterday's memories

like the time passed's by

the tunes flies above

and went to nothingness

leaving a taste of sweetness

at the tip of my tongue

which this moment 'sall 

bitter and sour

 

when he left

will he come back?

i don't know

when will mama be back here?

to protect us?

she's gone forever

will you protect me from his rage?

i will.

why would you bear so much pain for me?

you can just run

and leave me

 

because you're my little brother

and i will look after you forever

where stars don't shine

i live in a world

where the stars don't shine

where the lands are barren

where happiness is nonexistant

i live during the time

when the smiles are fake

when what's important is authority

when everyone wants to be somebody

i live here in midst of people

who love lying

who love breaking people's heart

who love... only themselves

 

in midst of nothingness

when i say i'm happy

they will say "grow up!"

when i say i'm sad

they will say "come on!"

when i say i'm scared

they will say "what a chicken!"

when i say i'm lonely

they will leave me by myself

so what am i to do

in midst of nothingness

i create another world

of unreached happiness and companies

where there

i don't have to speak

and be rejected

subtly

or

directly

which both

'

'

'

hurt

Imagine

imagine you and him

imagine there's no another her

imagine what you two would've been

i said


imagine, if things are different

in midst of tears, imagination is all i have

he said

What It Feels Like...

hey friend
tell me, won't you
what it feels like
being able to express your love
as you like it
anywhere, anywhen?


what it feels like

kissing her with raindrops on your face?

embracing her with wind gently brushing your hair?

telling her how much you love her while her hand in yours

grasped tightly with warmth?


i won't say anything

i won't complain

i won't grumble

because in this pretty little town

i know all too well

the path i've taken

forbid me so

or

else

One Night

it's late at night

mother's gone
Flora's starving
home's a mess
so
i heated a can
of chicken soup
for her soul
or her hunger
hm
i wouldn't know

while mother's
perfume linger
with so many
others'
of men
seeping unseen
from her room

i keep stirring
with tears in
my eyes

trying so hard
in my head
in my heart
to make things
right
normal
when
it's not

hm

On 14 February

i've been deceived

i've been left out

i've been forgotten


funny

how it stings

when you find out

the things

others want to keep

from you

heart of glass

a smirk

and a crack formed

an insult

and a bit shattered

one betrayal

and some darkened

slight hatred

and some crashed

heart of glass

thin

frail

vulnerable

fragile

under the sharp eyes

beneath the deep frown

within the silent lips

every obstacle met

whether

it broke a little bit more

or

it harden and be strong a bit more

which

entirely up to you

stop and stare, don't

is it weird
having me stand here
and state what i felt
about our crumbling society
hidden under misleading achievement

is it weird
that i stand here
with my hand in his
when we are legally united
years ago

is it weird
that we stand here
with our adopted twins
smiling and laughing
the cute girls who lit up
our home and our life

is it weird
that i
ask you
not to
stop
and
stare
at us

one guy, one girl a song

it was the exact moment
the sad song started
and you promptly cried

you're so good at
hiding your feeling
but just a sad song
and you broke down

oh
he left you for some other girl
oh
then you're that lucky, lady
oh
you don't believe me?
oh
you can see my family

my father's a SOB
he left us for a bitch
well, that's animal nature
who's to blame?

so
yoou get what i'm trying to say?
so
would you like to be like my mother?
so
would you stop crying?
so
stop crying because you hurt me too
so
stop crying because you're my best friend
so
stop crying because

i love you

A Moment to Remember Review

usually i hate watching korean movies

call it overgeneralization

but most of the time they're dull and boring

but this one movie

(okay, it's also dull and boring)

but it catch my heart

it worth every single kilobyte i spent downloading it


it's about

what are you going to do

when you're about to forget everything in your life

your loved ones

your memories

your experiences

will all be gone

and you're alone


i wanna cry watching this movie

but something prevented me

the melancholy involved

is one too deep

for me to decipher

into tears

What Do You Do?

what do you do
when you past
is killing you
now?

one slip of mind
and it all come back to haunt you

do you
run away with rage
bury your melancholy like dead animals
lose yourself in the sea waves?

or
do you
like sky, emptied your stare
fill your heart with winter's wind
lose yourself with fallen leaves?

whatever i do
i fall
i lost
because
i am the only one
who is wrong
who is bad
who deserve nothing

the man

he ran

out of the room

into the chapel

sobbing sadly

praying quietly

of diminishing hope

of losing the man

of losing himself