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Friday, August 27, 2010

Far Away

FAR AWAY

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

“You’re not helping me at all, you know..” Dan squinted at me. I just shrugged while groggily looking around the living room, surprised that I had made such a mess overnight. The room was clean last night, but now, it was messy with papers and all sorts of stationeries; a mess I’ve made unintentionally while trying to get the school assignments done. Dan slumped on the couch beside me, pinching both sides of my cheeks.

“Just make sure that you get everything, arranged before you go to work, k?” I just responded with a nod, followed by a big yawn. Dan directed his loving gaze at me and gave me a quick peck on the forehead.

“I’m glad that you come back here. You have no idea....” Simultaneously he grasped my hands ever so gently, applying just the right amount of pressure to convey the warmth and affection. I leaned onto his shoulders, feeling my eyes getting glassy from the tears. We stayed that way for quite a long time, until I realized that Dan had dozed off. I stared at his calm face, feeling a mixture of emotions swirls in my mind. Guilt. Love. Frustration.

“Stop liking those people. If anything, they’re only worth of being burnt on a stick.”

The damned words came across my mind for a moment. No fucking way. Falcon was the biggest bigot I’ve ever met, and everything he said is based on pure hatred and disgust. I didn’t have any idea how I could fall in love with that son of bitch. It took one hell of long time for me to realize that Falcon was the bad one. Dan was the good one. And I was the dumbest of all for not knowing that earlier. I sighed and looked at Dan’s amazingly angelic face. He had gone through so much. Ryan just left him three months ago. And a month ago ::I:: left him. His hold on my hands was loosened, but I grasped them to my chest, not wanting to forget this moment forever. I loved this guy. No denying that. I closed my eyes, trying to recapture what happened last Saturday night. The night I came safely back into Dan’s arms.

It was a freezing night, and I was shivering. I had only managed to fished out some of my clothes from the closet, along with some money and important documents. And my school assignments. Falcon had gone totally out of my control, even threatening to brainwash me if I refuse to let go of my affection towards Dan and ‘those people’. I had nothing else in my mind aside from the bright blue level three apartment I knew so well.

Dan’s house.

I literally dragged my feet down the road, feeling embarrassed, afraid of Dan’s reaction when he saw me. What would it be? Anger? Shock? Hatred? I left him and that house without any guilt last month, and I had no idea that this would be how I would be back to it. Torn. Hurt. Afraid. I walked out of the elevator with loud thumps of my heart, I’d thought my chest would explode. I knew well by then there was good chance Dan would not welcome me the way he did last time, and I could as well go to my parents house and be protected under dad’s protective arms, but I felt that i just had to try. With a trembling hand, I pushed the bell switch slowly. One second. Two second. Three second....

“Yeah?” Oh God. Just how I realized how I missed the pair of shiny green eyes. And how I loved it when his hair was tousled that way, like he’s just gotten up from bed when he had been awake the whole day. And, how I missed Dan’s voice in my ear.

“Irene?” The tears were inevitable. As Dan stumbled with the keys to open the grill door, the last border between us, I was already sobbing there, like a kid losing her mother in mall, waiting for someone to take and console her. I heard Dan cursed when he picked the wrong keys, and I couldn’t help but giggled in tears. He would never get to remember what the grill door keys looked like even though he’s been staying there for years. After what seems like an eternity, he managed to open the door and wasted no time to get to me.

“SSShhh....Come here babe...” Dan pulled me into his embrace softly, whispering words to calm my erratic feeling. After my tears subsided, he brought me into the living room and let me sit on the good old brown couch. In midst of tears I could see from his face that he was confused at the situation, he didn’t understand what was going on. I left the house with the biggest grin and happiest eyes last month, and now.... I opened my mouth, intending to explain to him, but Dan shook his head.

“Explanation can come later. Wanna drink?” He asked with a smile on his face. A smile. How could he smile when he was supposed to feel at least a month worth of hatred towards me? But I nodded nonetheless, realizing that my throat had dried up a little by the anxiety earlier.

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